


Tears of Joy

by Reena



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Animated Gifs, Blow Jobs, Domestic Derek and Stiles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Grinding, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Human Derek Hale, Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, M/M, Magic, Masturbation, Minor Allison Argent/Isaac Lahey, Minor Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Oral Sex, Pack Dynamics, Rimming, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Shower Sex, Top Derek Hale/Bottom Stiles Stilinski, Wolf Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:12:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reena/pseuds/Reena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A wizard has sealed away Derek's spirit human half and memories, and the pack works to get it back. Stiles, as the good boyfriend he is, takes care of him. In the meantime, how will Stiles deal with him, wolf or human?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears of Joy

**Author's Note:**

> Um, hello guys, this is my third and longest fic. I don't have a beta, so I've had to beta myself. Please, I'd love to know what you think and to read all constructive criticism you can give, as well as pointing out mistakes. So comment away! It's the first time I've experimented with fluff and deep emotional writing. I don't know if the gifs are a good idea, but there's that. 
> 
> Hugs to all the fandom.

Stiles was pissed when he stared at the unconscious grey wolf in the ground, several feet away from him.

Fucking Derek, he was always so reckless. This time would teach him a lesson - as if that was any consolation, considering the situation. And, that is, when he went back to normal. Because he was. He had lunged fully wolfed out to toss Stiles aside, saving him from a magic trap but falling into it himself. There, right in the middle. The five-pointed star lit, as if in a bad witchcraft film's depiction of a satanic ritual, and Derek howled in what was unmistakably deep agony. He was lifted in the air, an invisible force dragging him up from the chest, his hind paws no longer in contact with the ground. Electricity filled the atmosphere, now heavy.

Like a moth to the flame. Terrific.

His _human half_ , the wizard said, was now sealed in a sapphire. Which he conveniently put in his breast pocket, still glowing bright blue. And then left, just like that. Teleportation wasn't fair at all. His last words,

"Unbeatable? Pack of losers. I intended to seal your alpha, but this one will do. From what I gathered, he's the actual alpha anyway, isn't he, McCall?"

Scott roared at him, but he was left roaring at the darkness.

 

*

 

Stiles's kidney, from when he hit the ground with his back before, still hurt when they arrived at Deaton's clinic. It was raining and he urged them inside through the back door. Derek was still unconscious. They placed him in a metal stretcher and the group crowded around him: Deaton, Scott, Stiles, Kira, Allison, Isaac and Lydia. Deaton inspected Derek as they talked about what had just happened and finally some sat down while others paced around nervously. Deaton then concluded the physical exam and informed the group of the situation.

"It looks like he's fine, physically, but after what you described, there's a great chance he'll lose his long-term memories. Retrograde amnesia. Probably, it will just be temporary, however..."

"Won't he remember who we are?! What if it's forever?" Stiles spat at him, fear compressing his chest.

"Stiles, you need to calm down. First, we'll see how he evolves. But that's not all, I'm afraid."

"What else?", Allison inquired, focused.

"Well, it's about what the wizard said", he sighed and then continued, "every werewolf has a human half and a wolf half... with his human half sealed, what remains is Derek's wolf. Derek's a born wolf, so he has that to his favor, it will be easier to control. His human part is in a comatose state and will remain so until the sapphire is destroyed or the spell breaks or weakens."

"And how do we do that?", Scott asked.

"You have to find the wizard. If he throws the sapphire away, the spell will lose its power. If you get it, you must destroy it. Another way, as I said, would be to conduct a counter-spell, but I'm short on friendly wizard acquaintances and my knowledge of magic is rudimentary."

"We'll work on that one", Lydia snapped.

"So if we find the wizard, defeat him, and destroy the gem, Derek gets back his human self and his memories?", Kira asked.

"Yes, restoring his human half would bring back his memories. What makes them unreachable until that time is the fact that both halves are... dissociated. Derek's human self is still there, it's just deep inside. Trapped."

Stiles's heart clenched again at the thought of his boyfriend going through that.

"Is there no other way?", Stiles said, hopeful, who had been silent for a while. He was paler than usual and sweaty, his hands over his head, elbows resting on the table.

"What do you mean?", Deaton asked.

Stiles sighed, "Is there a way he can get his memories back from his own willpower or something? Something I could do to help?"

Isaac giggled. "Stiles, I don't think the power of love will get us out of this one." "We should focus on how exactly do you destroy the magical sapphire."

Scott grabbed Stiles from the elbow and dragged him apart from the group. Deaton just nodded.

 

Stiles felt something sink in his chest and an impossible pressure crushing it. But he wouldn't have a panic attack. He saw Allison coming towards them, but overheard the conversation still going on around the table. It all began to fade into the distance.

_Oh, that's straight-forward, actually. It's an ordinary gemstone._

_So a hammer will do the trick?_

_I think dropping it in molten metal is best._

 

 _Stiles, are you okay?_ , Scott said, bringing him back to where he was.

"Ummm... yeah, yeah. Sorry. What did you say?", Stiles said.

"Stiles, don't worry, we've been through similar stuff before. Derek's a werewolf, this amnesia won't be permanent. We'll kill that wizard soon anyway.", Allison tried to calm him down. She was right, so he felt comforted. He was still worried, though, and needed rest.

"Hey, man. I got this. Why don't you go home and sleep a bit? I'll give you a call as soon as he wakes up."

"Yeah, we can stay the night, I was gonna tell you the same thing", Allison said, with a good-hearted smile.

Stiles smiled back weakly. "You're the best, guys, but I think I should stay here. Maybe Derek will wake up disoriented."

Scott and Allison looked at each other and then nodded, clearly worried for Stiles, but knowing that it was true nevertheless. Allison left them alone.

 

"Scott, by the way", Stiles said.

"Yeah, buddy?", Scott said, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're a good alpha. The wizard was bluffing, don't let it get to you."

Scott smiled fondly. "I know... he was just bitter we ruined his plans before. But you know Derek has his own place, independent beta or whatever. Our pack may be unusual but we all fit and look for each other. That's what I care for. And for all they know you're the alpha's mate now."

They both laughed at that, probably remembering that time another werewolf made a scene out of Stiles being Derek's mate and him being the second alpha male or whatever. And chasing him. Dynamics were weird. Outsiders didn't always get things straight, but then again their dynamics _were_ unusual. Not that it mattered, anyway.

"I'd rather not, if I get that kind of attention. Violent attention."

Scott squeezed his shoulder when they relaxed. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, man", Stiles replied. "That's why you're the best.", he said, and squeezed Scott's shoulder back, then pulling him into a short hug.

Stiles broke the hug. "Well, I'm going to crash in one of the sofas. Call me if anything happens, okay?"

Scott nodded. "Sure. Goodnight."

Stiles tapped his arm twice then and left. He was out of energy.

 

*

 

Deaton was making coffee as the first rays of sun came in through the glass door. Stiles opened his eyes lazily as he read the "OPEN" sign facing him. Around him Allison and Lydia were passed out, having chosen to stay as well, sprawled in the clearly-not-meant-for-sleeping chairs and making strange twitches in their sleep.

And then he heard grumbling, followed by an ominous growl.

He rubbed his knuckles all over his closed eyelids, and as he tried to make sense of what was happening...

"WOAH, DER-" he heard Scott's voice, then sounds of metal clashing and glass shattering.

Just great. Derek had escaped. A window had been broken.

When they reached the back room where Deaton and the rest of the pack was, staring out the window, Scott was looking at the distance, dumbfounded.

"Hmmm... good morning, guys?", he offered, with a sheepish half-smile. Lydia gave him his best _are you kidding me_ look.

"Oh my god" Kira said, "let's go after him.", she urged, arms pointing at the window not very gracefully.

Lydia sighed hard and brought a hand to her messy, morning hair in a bun. She looked at Allison, by her side. She nodded.

"Get a tranquilizer dart."

 

*

 

They found Derek near the old Hale house, their base of operations (in addition to the McCall residence), in the preserve.

The wolf looked lost and untrusting. Defensive, and ready to attack. Isaac approached first, but Derek flashed his eyes blue and Isaac stepped back. Derek had made him, and he was as much his beta as he was Scott's. Scott then had an idea, and told Allison to not use the dart unless strictly necessary.

He stepped forward, took off his clothes and became wolf too. He didn't flash his eyes red, but simply approached and stayed in place, whining soft sounds as he tilted his head to show Derek that he meant no harm. Derek relaxed, and looked at Scott's wolf form hesitantly. Then, finally, he approached and sniffed him.

It was all going well, until Scott flashed his eyes red, and Derek felt threatened, so he stepped back and rumbled low.

Scott stopped, and tried to approach him again, but Derek was wary now. He probably felt his dominance at stake. 

Stiles then grew tired of the macho wolf dick-measuring contest and stepped in. 

"Stiles, I don't think you should-", Kira tried to say, he didn't let her finish.

"He'll recognize me.", he deadpanned, sure of himself.

 

And Derek did. Stiles crouched to pet him and Derek responded, licking his palms and sniffing at him as Stiles cupped his snout, then petted his head and scratched behind his ears. Stiles was laughing openly now, almost maniacally when Derek made him fall over to the ground and ended up with leaves stuck to his jeans and shirt.

The girls and Isaac looked at each other with quizzed looks. 

Scott went back to his human form and dressed again, picking his clothes from the ground.

Isaac leaned into his ear and whispered, "Seems like he won this one."

 

*

 

They agreed Stiles would take care of Derek and bring him back to his loft, so the scent made him feel comfortable and relaxed. It was Stiles's scent, and his own scent in Stiles, that had made him identify him despite having limited memories. Smell was a powerful sense. 

He hadn't signed up for dog-sitting, and even if Allison and Kira had found it funny, he was even more pissed than last night. They talked to Deaton and they all concluded that it was best if he didn't interact with Scott for now, at least until he felt at home and trusted Stiles and Isaac. So Isaac would go to the loft as well to be with him. Their relationship came easy, easier than when they first met, certainly. Derek had a better time not having to bother with words.

On the important stuff, however, Lydia and Kira would do the mythological and historical research that could help them with their case; in the meantime, Scott, Allison and Isaac would lead the search of the wizard's hideout to retrieve the gem.

Isaac also visited, of course, and Derek enjoyed his company - a fellow wolf, if you had no idea who you were, or who anybody was for that matter, was a gift. Especially when he became a wolf and his irides flashed only yellow. 

Lydia and Kira also visited to update Stiles with the research. Lydia had found something that they would try that weekend - a sort of wolfsbane potion, an antidote. If it worked, Derek would be human again, but he doubted it'd be so easy. 

The first week was uneventful. The wizard had left his previous hideout, and Derek only interacted with Stiles and Isaac at the loft. He fed him, gave him water, petted him and played with him; sometimes they ran in the woods, and Derek bit Stiles's jeans and tugged to insist he run too, but he just huffed when Stiles laughed and ran with Isaac instead. Sometimes he brought him small animals. On Friday he returned exhausted, lying at his feet as Stiles sat in the old Hale house's burnt threshold, looking up at the sky. Dusk was close, and he sighed. Isaac had left already, and Derek wasn't panting from the exercise anymore. Stiles looked down and ran a hand through the fur in his back.

"I miss you."

Derek emitted a low whine.

 

*

 

The potion... no, it wasn't so easy. Of course not. 

Lydia had read that the wolfsbane combination in the mix would make it impossible for Derek to stay wolf. Deaton called too late with the warning. And indeed, Derek didn't stay wolf... but he didn't come back as human, either. Not _exactly_. 

Yes, Derek looked human. It was him: his short dark hair, gorgeous green-or-whatever eyes and his amazing physique, that everyone could see as he was in his birthday suit, all defined muscle tensing as he breathed. But he was pissed, because they had had to force-feed him the vial and Scott had to intervene to hold him down while Stiles tricked him. He hadn't gotten bitten thanks to his quick reflexes.

Lydia dropped it on the carpet as she heard Deaton's explanation: he looked human, but he was still a wolf. A wolf's _spirit_ , that would now have to adapt to his human body (and mind), and physiology. It was going to be confusing as hell for Derek. And yeah, all in vain, because his memories were not affected by the potion. 

He was now furious, eyes flashing, but unable to turn into any type of wolf form due to the wolfsbane in his system. The spell would also enhance it, apparently, so it was going to be for some days. Just perfect. His nostrils were flaring and he was frustrated. Derek wordlessly shook Stiles and Scott off him and dropped to all fours to run away naked. Through the loft's door. Then to the street, to the forest probably. Oh god. Nudism fines now, they hoped nobody would notice. The Sheriff was going to have a bad time if he was arrested. Thankfully it was still early.

Also, Derek, that's not how humans run.

 

*

 

They eventually found him, and Stiles apologized. In the end they hugged and got him to wear some black sweatpant shorts. The contact appeased Derek.

They returned home, Stiles held his hand the whole way back. When it was only him, Stiles, and Lydia, they sat in the couch and Derek stayed in the middle of the room looming and staring murderously at her. Then he _spoke_.

"I don't like her."

Stiles and Lydia gaped and exchanged looks. Derek went upstairs, climbing the stairs like a wolf would.

 

* 

 

"Yes, Scott, I know what Deaton said, but he's fucking speaking", he told him over the phone, as Derek gave him a death glare over the room, though Stiles was giving him his back.

_"That doesn't make sense. What is he saying anyway?"_

"Umm... nothing yet. He got impossible until Lydia left. He only said " _I don't like her_ ", but he hasn't opened his mouth since. We didn't make it up, though, he did say it!"

_"Right. Well, try to get him to say more! See if he remembers anything!"_

"I've been trying, but he's just so goddamn stubborn. He doesn't realize we're only trying to help him."

He sighed.

"Do you know how hard it is to see your boyfriend like... this?", he said, in a hushed tone, but with heavy emotion in his voice, hoping Derek wouldn't overhear it and feel hurt. He was tired and the burden of taking care of Derek was getting to him. They had to find the damn wizard.

_"I know..."_

A voice came from the other end of the room.

"Stiles", he said, and Derek was looking vulnerable. Guilty.

"Dude, I have to hang up!", Stiles said, turning around quickly and excited; almost dropping the phone. 

 

*

 

So Stiles and Derek had a conversation. Wolf Derek was more talkative than his human self, which was a little bit ironic, and not that Derek's wolf was that talkative either. But he seemed to be willing to collaborate, which was a relief.

Stiles sat in the bed, cross-legged, and Derek sat beside him, lying down on his side, with his head propped up by his bent elbow and looking up at Stiles.

"Yes, since my body is like... this", and he points at Stiles, unsure, "I can understand when you talk. But before I also got what you meant from your body language."

Stiles nods. "Your body is a human body now. Like mine. We're human", he points in between them. "You're a werewolf, half human and half wolf. But your human half was sealed and you can't get your memories back for the moment. What exactly do you remember?"

Derek frowned, confused, trying to think hard. He apparently gave up. "There's just nothing." He sighed. "I woke up in Deaton's clinic to all those strangers and I had to get out." "And then the alpha, and you, and Isaac came along, and then we came home, and I can tell by scent but I didn't really remember."

"What do you remember about yourself?"

"I... I know I'm Derek, I know I'm a wolf, or a werewolf apparently." He looked troubled. His eyes became watery. "I don't know anything, Stiles."

Derek was sobbing now, pressed against Stiles's thigh. "I feel so lost."

Stiles tried to comfort him. "Shhh, it's okay", he said, patting his head. He moved Derek's head so he was facing him. "Hey, do you trust me?"

"Yeah", Derek managed to say. Tears had pooled in his eyes and were running down his cheeks.  

"I'll help you through this. I won't leave you."

"I love you. I know that as well."

Stiles managed to smile weakly at that, and they lay back on the bed. They cuddled, Derek's head against Stiles's chest. And Stiles looked at the ceiling. He was relieved, because at least part of Derek was back. He was human now, just not entirely him. He ran his fingers down Derek's soft, black hair and down his naked shoulder. Derek fell asleep.

 

*

 

Stiles also dozed off, but woke up before Derek did some hours later and decided on a late lunch.

He called Deaton, but Kira picked up the phone.

"Hey Kira, I was going to ask if Deaton knew what I should give to Derek. For eating, I mean. And drinking. Like, no sugar or something? I was basically feeding him raw meat before..."

_"Hey, Stiles. Let me check."_

She was gone for a minute, then returned.

_"It's what I thought. Now that he's human, he should eat like a human. So just have lunch together. Teach him how to be human."_

Stiles sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Peachy. I have to teach humanity to Derek Hale of all people. He didn't do it properly _before_ , go imagine now."

_"Stiles, just try your best okay? We'll help with what you need. I can go, if you want."_

"I don't even know where to begin. I'd appreciate that, actually."

_"Great! Just have lunch and I'll drop by later."_

"Thank you, Kira. No Scott, though. I don't want to risk it."

"Risk what?", a voice came from behind him, and he saw Derek standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed and scowling.

"Gotta run. See you.", said Stiles and hung up.

 

*

 

Derek was sitting, still in nothing but his black shorts, and struggling to use the fork to stab the small pieces of steak Stiles had cut for him. He looked puzzled, and Stiles had to stop himself from laughing out loud.

"Why again can't I just eat the meat like I did the other days? If human is always this stupid, I don't want to be human", he said seriously.

Stiles chuckled. 

"Are you making fun of me? You have to, because seriously, why would you bother with this?", and he stares at the fork, which falls from his hand and on the plate, clacking. 

Stiles laughed harder for a moment, and Derek's frown intensified, but he managed to calm down.

"Um", Stiles said, wiping a tear off his eye with his finger, "sorry, sorry." "Derek, I'm not making fun of you. Please, just do as I say. It's for the best."

"But why do I have to use the fork?"

"That's how you eat steak! Anyway, I want you to practice holding things. Opposable thumbs, you know. Just human things. It's very useful. You'll see."

And yes, Stiles had rambled about something called _prehensility_ before, but Derek could hardly see why it was useful. It was a hassle. He picked the fork again. It took him a while to apply the right force, but it wasn't the hardest thing ever. He was clumsy, but it did the trick. He got to observe Stiles, though, and that distracted him.

At least the meat was tasty.

"And why can't I eat the meat raw?"

"Well,", Stiles said, chewing on the beef, "your stomach and... the way your body works, is human now. You have to adapt your instincts. Please, if you have any questions, come to me. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Derek smiled fondly at the worry from Stiles's part. "Alright", he said. Maybe eating cooked meat wasn't the worst thing ever.

When he grabbed the cup of wine, he broke the glass. Fucking human hands.

 

*

 

Stiles showed him around the house so he could smell his human clothes and some of his possessions, as well as Stiles's, to ascertain they were who he said they were. Then they had to talk about the pack.

"Hey, Derek", Stiles said, from the edge of the bed where he was sitting.

"Yes?", Derek said, who was kneeling on the ground smelling a pile of clothes, turning around. They had emptied the drawer on the floor.

"We need to talk about those strangers. See, they aren't really _strangers_. They're our pack."

"Is that why Isaac smelled like me?", Derek furrowed his brow with the question.

"Probably. It was you who made him into a werewolf."

Derek was taken by surprise. "But I'm not the alpha."

"Not now. But that doesn't matter. They're all our friends. Kira is coming over later. That's the black-haired, Korean girl. She's a vixen. As in, a female kitsune."

"A fox part of a wolf pack? In which a beta isn't the alpha's beta?"

"And three humans! Welcome home", Stiles said, putting on a show with his flailing arms. He hoped it wasn't too much for Derek.

"Stiles", Derek said.

"Yes?"

"You're weird."

"Wha-?", but before he could reply, Derek was all over him on the bed, licking his neck and face and he was laughing out loud. It was overwhelming to see Derek so happy about simple things. He wished he could have that all the time.

 

*

 

Kira arrived a bit later. They hugged and then she came in and sat in the couch with Stiles. Derek stood shyly behind a column and Stiles made a gesture with his hand so he would come over. He sat in the ground by Stiles's side.

"So... this is Kira."

"Hey!", Kira said, with a fond smile, and offered her hand. Derek sniffed it.

That went well.

Some hours later Derek was sitting on the couch between them and it really did go well. With a minor incident, anyway, the time Derek learnt she was the alpha's mate and tried to scent-mark her by climbing all over her.

"Derek, bad boy! Stop that", Stiles said, biting his lip not to laugh.

That was awkward for Kira.

By the time she left, Derek knew more or less who the pack was and why he had lost his memories. He also felt more confident about trusting them and, of course, Stiles. He was still a bit hesitant about the alpha and Lydia, however. One thing at a time.

 

*

 

Next day Allison and Isaac came over and Derek quickly befriended her. He didn't try to mark her, thankfully. Respecting Isaac, huh?

Apparently Chris Argent believed he had found clues about a second possible hideout for the wizard. He was still close, that was sure, or else the spell would've broken. Maybe they could find him this week? He was teasing them, and Stiles felt insulted. Testing their patience.

But Derek's smiles made it easier. So easy, to forget. This Derek didn't have the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. He was oblivious to the blue shine of his eyes, first love forever lost to tragedy. To the fate of his family, most of them under cold earth, because of Kate, who was dead as well, anyway. As was Gerard, and Victoria. His friendship with Allison came easier because she wasn't a constant reminder of the past, and she let it be. He had no regrets because he didn't remember the fire. He also had no notion of Erica and Boyd, his beloved betas, back when he was an alpha; so he couldn't feel the sting of their absence everyday. He only knew about Stiles, his smell and their love. And that was intoxicating for Stiles, to see Derek so happy only because of them. He really wished it would stay. Sometimes he'd blame himself, pondering if it'd be selfish for him to want Derek to stay a wolf. And just be happy. A world without pain. He wished he could take the pain away. But not even werewolves fully could, and he was just a human.

Was that life, though? Was that truly Derek, without his tragedies, without their meaning?

He voiced some of his thoughts to Allison.

"Thank you for being so understanding", Stiles said. "I know Kate hurts him as much as, well,... you your mother."

Allison looked away, but then recomposed herself. "Don't worry, Stiles. We're all pack now. Our past is behind us. We'll help him through this."

They fell silent. "It doesn't make you a terrible person to want him to be happy, anyway.", she said, "It just means you care about him."

Stiles had to choke a sob but she made it easier because she buried his face in her neck and hugged him hard.

 

*

 

Lydia came on Monday, alone. That didn't seem like going down well.

Derek made a weird rumble with his throat when she approached the couch. She stopped her advance, bringing her hands to her hips and smiling smugly.  

"Oh for god's sake. Stiles, you said he was human enough to meet me already. What's wrong? Am I the alpha female and I pissed in your territory or something?"

"Hmm... I thought the alpha female would be Kira, really. Or Allison. Or Isaac?", Stiles laughed.

"Sure thing, darling.", Lydia said in a too sweet voice. "Derek, I just want to talk. I swear I want to help."

"Derek, _pleeeease_ , behave. If just for me?", Stiles begged.

He calmed down, and at least they sat in the couch, even if far from each other. Lydia on one end and Derek on the other. It was ridiculous.

It was hard to humanize Derek. First with wearing clothes, then the way to walk, sit, sleep, eat, piss, and that kind of thing; taking showers, how to run in the woods... it was everything, really. But there was progress. Stiles may have ruined some clothes rolling in the dirt and playing with Derek and Isaac, sometimes with Derek alone. Derek was picking up more and more human mannerisms and was beginning to find himself comfortable in his own body.

Lydia apologized for the potion event (and mistake), and even Derek seemed to realize what that meant for her, so their relationship came much more naturally after that. Derek admitted that being human had good things too, if not only for speaking and being a bit more like the rest of them and whatnot. Lydia relaxed too. Stiles left to make tea for the three of them.

"There's a lot of pointless conventions, though.", Derek spoke his mind, "like clothing. Stiles made me dress so that I wouldn't make it awkward. But I hate clothes. They feel sticky and it's not cold enough. And underwear's too tight."

 

"Tell me about it." "Being human is an act, really. But you have to do it right. Don't worry, you'll do fine now that I'm here to help."

"As for clothes, when you're home and it's just Stiles or me, I don't care what you wear and Stiles doesn't either. So feel free to strip, it's not awkward."

"Really?" Derek said, smiling.

"Sure!", she said.

When Stiles came back with the tray, Derek was naked and talking with Lydia about how fake humans had to be in social interactions. Derek was baffled by these new concepts of _status_ and high school bullshit. He didn't notice them until he set it down.

"Lydia, you're gonna confuse him with all the social... why are you sm...- oh my god, Derek, what the fuck?"

"It's fine", Lydia said before Derek could open his mouth, "I told him we don't mind."

"Don't we?", said Stiles, as he raised an eyebrow, "So why don't you take off your bra as well!"

"Do _you_ want me to take off my bra?", she said, and now Derek raised an eyebrow at him, daring him. 

Stiles sighed. "Fine, do it your way", seeing through Lydia's clever strategy to both gain Derek's trust and get her way.

He poured them tea and handed Lydia a cup. 

"Derek, one of the things clothing is good for is not burning as badly when you're clumsy. Please don't drop your tea?"

Lydia chuckled. "Stiles, you know I'm a fan of trial and error, right?"

He huffed. "Don't be mean. He may heal but it still hurts."

She smiled and Derek didn't seem to get what they were talking about until he burned himself and groaned.

 

*

 

Lydia stayed for dinner. Human Derek seemed to enjoy salad.

"So Stiles, I have a question.", he asked.

"Yes, failwolf?", he replied, and Derek scowled. He considered if asking for a minute, then continued.

"Well, you said one of the reasons humans get naked is to make love and have babies, just like wolves."

"Yes...?"

Lydia laughed.

"So I saw your computer this morning and this thing called _sex_ doesn't seem like it has a lot of love. Also they don't seem to be trying to impregnate the female... what's with that? Why do you watch that?", he said, apparently not finding the appeal.

Stiles choked on a mouthful of tomatoes and lettuce and Lydia excused herself and Stiles and told Derek to wait at the table.

 

"You haven't had sex this weekend?", she whispered, baffled, "...and me more careful with the porn".

"Of course not!", Stiles said, also whispering low, especially the next part, "He's a wolf! He's vulnerable."

"You mean he hasn't tried anything yet? I mean... I'd get it if you had!", she smirked.

"I stop him before he gets it on. He's come in his sleep, like a human, sometimes, but that's it. I do the laundry. I don't want to talk about this, Lydia!"

"Nonsense. It's natural. You're gonna frustrate him. I'm going to the toilet and if you don't educate him I will. At least let him know.", and then she left.

Stiles returned to the table and sighed deeply. 

"Lydia will answer your questions. I'm gonna get that ice cream for dessert..."

Derek raised his eyebrows happily at the prospect of sweet. Perks of being a human. 

 

*

 

"Get your shit together, Stiles.", Lydia said as she said goodbye at the loft's door. "He'll eventually put two and two together and realize you've had _sex_ before."

"You have a very ambiguous sense of morality, Lydia." She giggled.

"So do you, I don't know why you're being so sanctimonious about this."

"I'm just careful, okay? He'll have his memories back and will remember all of this and I don't want to fuck things up."

She put a hand on his cheek, and her thumb caressed his cheekbone. 

"He's Derek. He's your boyfriend. There's nothing to fuck up.", she hesitated, "look, I won't say you should anything you're not comfortable with. Just think about it, okay? You're taking good care of him, Stiles."

"I will", Stiles nodded, then they kissed goodnight in the cheek and Lydia left.

 

*

The universe then conspired against Stiles. He made Derek wear shorts at least, but the sexual tension then escalated. While he was doing the dishes (he wouldn't risk Derek breaking more plates), Derek hugged him from behind and hummed at his neck to breathe in his scent. He hadn't gotten off in days, so it was too much, and then he felt Derek's half-hard line against his ass, through the clothing. He was sure Derek could smell his arousal.

He stopped the water, and absent-mindedly dried his hands with a washcloth as he looked down and inhaled deeply and slowly. He saw Derek's feet step forward a bit, surrounding his own, in his red converse shoes. Then Derek licked his nape and began breathing his hair in as he pushed his hips once, slowly, pressing his erection between Stiles's cheeks against both their pants and Stiles's underwear. Stiles imagined how good it must feel to Derek. This is where he would stop him, but instead he found himself turning his head to look at Derek as he pressed his hips again slowly. Derek made a low, soft noise. Their eyes met.

"...Derek. Do you know how humans kiss?"

"No.", he answered simply.

"I'll teach you", Stiles said, and taught him.

Their lips met slowly and Derek was hesitant, but pressed forward. Stiles freed himself from his embrace and turned around, and he shouldn't have, because Derek's erection and his half-hard line pressed together and Stiles moaned. He cupped Derek's face with his hands and opened his mouth with his tongue. He licked the white teeth he made Derek brush after each meal. He kissed Derek slowly and passionately, all the repressed emotions of the past week and the longing for his touch finally resolved. They made out for a long time, Derek's hands at first hesitant but then settling in Stiles's ass, which he groped firmly to thrust into Stiles's hips. Stiles arched back against the sink and moaned again as Derek licked along his throat. 

Stiles was about to lose it, but then opened his eyes and decided not to risk it.

He pressed his hands against Derek's pectorals and pushed him away softly.

"Derek, stop."

Derek stopped moving his hips and looked up at him, sad and maybe a bit ashamed.

"Sorry, I thought you were fine with us being close. Don't we cuddle at night?"

He stepped back.

"No, I am, it's not that. But this is different than cuddling..." he struggled to explain and thought about what he could do. Having to clean the sheets every morning was probably just trying to sweep things under the rug. 

Oh, what the hell.

"Look, Derek, you're just horny, and you need release. I get it, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'll help."

Derek looked at him, not understanding him entirely, and raised his eyebrows.

"Trust me. Go lie down on the bed. On your back."

 

Derek did as told and Stiles went get a tube of lubricant.

"So, uh, when humans are horny we do this thing... to get off. I'll teach you."

And Derek understood that human thumbs and hands really came in handy at times. His hands were stretched out above his head, which was resting over his joined palms. Stiles took Derek's pants off and put them away as he took his time to look at Derek. He was something from another world, looking all giddy and a bit nervous as he sucked his lips. His pale skin looked even more surreal with the bright moonlight coming in through the big windows, and every line defining his muscles, especially pecs and abs, came to life and Stiles had to calm down to breathe normally. Derek never failed to turn him on like the first time he saw him naked.

His cock was hard and already dripping precome, just like his own, which was safely imprisoned in his jeans. Stiles looked at it, then at Derek. It was flushed and throbbing a bit at Stiles's stare, resting against his happy trail. Derek liked his lips and looked at Stiles. Stiles didn't feel like teasing, really, because his own erection hurt, so he just opened the lube, made his palm very slick and took all of Derek's length in a firm grip with his fist.

Derek whimpered at the sound and clearly overwhelmed tried to back off, so Stiles let him free.

"That felt too good", he said, breathless.

Stiles grinned. "Look at what my thumb is for."

This time Derek managed to stay in place, but as Stiles stroked him up and down, dragging his foreskin at a moderate pace, Derek's breathing became more erratic. Stiles thumbed over his head and pressed lightly at his slit, adding a small jet of precome to the abundant lube. It was a wave of liquid pleasure washing over him, and Derek arched as Stiles continued. The sounds of slick stroking and ragged breathing filled the room. He had to begin thrusting up into Stiles's fist as his heels dug into the mattress and his human, blunt fingernails scratched the thin, white blanket. Stiles kept quickening his pace until Derek was close and was opening moaning now himself. Stiles thought it was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard and was proud to be the one to bring it out.

Stiles was worked up as fuck himself too, sweaty and still fully clothed, but leaking like an open faucet.

Stiles joined both his hands and kept masturbating Derek vigorously, saying, "Just let it happen, Derek. Come for me, it's alright.", in a shaky voice, and that drove him over the edge. The pressure was delicious and he came over his own stomach and a bit over Stiles's face and hair. Stiles had to close his eyes and focus not to come himself there and then as well.

He left Derek ride the high in the bed, relaxing and having is breathing return to normal. He cleaned him up and kissed him goodnight in the temple. Then Stiles went to the toilet and jerked off quickly, barely had to tug at his own dick to come in thick spurts down the shower. He went back to bed and joined Derek, who was relaxed but awake.

"Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight."

They stared at each other silently.

 

   

*

 

Derek was much less tense and beaming for a long time the next day. So Stiles had to thank Lydia for that.

He hated to risk it, but Stiles thought it was due time Derek met Scott. 

Derek wasn't that sure at first, but it went well. Stiles played the best friend card and Derek didn't want to put Stiles in a compromising situation.

"So you're not _my_ alpha? But you're the pack's alpha?", Derek asked Stiles, looking at him and Scott intermittently.

"It's weird", Scott said, "we've confused other packs, because it's not the usual combination. It's because of your past."

Derek was pensive, probably wondering about what had happened to him in these last 9 days. Stiles look at Scott and he nodded in understanding, so they walked away for a moment.

"Look, man, I prefer if he got his memories from the stone, when you find the wizard..."

"Sure, Stiles... I get it. I know what he's been through. Let's talk about that, then?"

The three of them resumed conversation to both steer Derek away from deep thoughts and evaluate their findings.

Isaac joined them later, and they talked about a plan to find the wizard in this second hideout on Friday. So that was three more days. Stiles could wait.

That afternoon Scott played with them in the woods and Derek now seemed fully happy with the pack, Stiles, and life; oblivious to the past and ignoring the future and the wizard. In a way, it was like life itself, a glimpse of bliss between two unknown infinites. Stiles chose not to dwell on his errant thoughts and to play with them again, of course staining his T-shirt with the mud and god knows what.

When Scott and Isaac left, Derek and Stiles sat in the grass with a blanket around them to look at the very red sunset, promise of an uncertain future. They were leaning against each other and Derek turned his face to peck at Stiles's cheek.

"I love you."

Stiles giggled. "You didn't tell me you loved me so much before."

"Why not?", Derek asked, seeming a bit hurt or angry at himself.

"Don't worry about it", Stiles dismissed it, "let's just say I'm not the weird one in this couple." 

 

*

 

Derek got naked first and went straight into the shower, dragging Stiles along playfully. Before turning on the water, he started licking him all over, and kissing him. He took advantage of yesterday's lesson, definitely. After they made out and Derek had his hands all over Stiles, he began to go down and knelt as he licked his neck, collarbones and nipples, eliciting all kinds of sounds from Stiles's mouth. Derek hummed in approval against Stiles's skin, and it went straight to Stiles's spine and cock as he hardened. He then traced his happy trail with his tongue and mouthed at Stiles's tip, licking it, just as he looked up at Stiles. Stiles opened his eyes wide and yanked him back from his hair.

"Stop, stop."

His tongue stopped mid-air, and he put it back in his mouth and closed it. 

"Did I do something wrong?", he said with puppy eyes.

"No! No, god, it's just... do you understand what you're doing, Derek?"

"Um... getting you off, maybe? I don't know, it just feels good with you."

Stiles had to bit his tongue not to moan at that.

"Okay. Go on." 

Stiles turned on the hot water and soaped them up. Derek licked at his dick until Stiles was a whimpering mess and his knees felt weak, then turned him around and rimmed him as his own erection pressed against Stiles's calf and he tried to get off rubbing against him, but they both needed more. Stiles had been starved of Derek for too long, so he gave in to his own desires. 

"Derek, can you do something for me?"

Derek was panting, but he managed to nod.

"Open your mouth."

Stiles gave him instructions and Derek caught up on his ability to give a decent blowjob pretty quick, though Stiles was practically fucking his mouth. He also managed to get one or two of Derek's finger in his ass and pressing against his prostate by the time he came down Derek's throat, and Derek swallowed him avidly and with eyes vivid with lust. Then he licked his tongue, and Stiles couldn't resist pulling Derek up for a deep kiss to taste himself from his mouth. 

Derek complied and cupped Stiles's head with his hands, then ran them down his sides and groped his ass cheeks, just like yesterday. He thrust his hips up, grinding against Stiles's soap-slick abdomen, the friction teasing and making him moan as he bit down Stiles's neck. And Stiles moaned hard, still in a sex high, feeling too much too fast. He pressed a finger against Stiles's prostate and Stiles's dick twitched. It was softening but it seemed like it would be hard again in a minute.

"D- Der, the, the blue bottle, your fingers... in my ass, stretch me."

The instructions were unclear and Stiles's voice was ragged too as he said them, but Derek complied.

Derek knelt down again and nipped his nipple with his teeth, not too soft nor too hard. When had he learnt that? It made Stiles shiver. Derek turned him around and rimmed him again, this time pressing his tongue, making Stiles shiver again with the intrusion, and then he opened him up with his lube-slick fingers until Stiles had trouble standing up.

"Derek"

"Yes?"

"Stand up and put your cock in me. I want to come again."

Derek tensed at that and he stood up, grabbing his cock and shuddering with anticipation. He slicked himself up thoroughly, and then pressed the tip against his entrance. He stopped breathing.

"Are you sure?"

He'd been dreaming of mounting Stiles since he remembered, especially after Lydia's talk.

"Derek, fucking rock my world already, like you always do."

That drove Derek crazy, and he pushed in slowly, giving Stiles time to adapt, but not much was required because of all the lubrication and preparation. Stiles moaned loudly and pushed back, meeting Derek's first thrust, so he went all the way in up to the hilt. He choked a sound of pleasure and urged Derek to move. Derek began fucking him slowly, pulling out halfway and thrusting back in firmly in a steady rhythm, coming undone and gaping at the shower head. Every sensation was enhanced: Stiles's soft skin under his hands, Stiles's legs meeting his as he rocked back and forth to meet him halfway, the vibration of Stiles's voice and his sounds of pleasure, the hot water running down his scalp and body...

"Go faster", Stiles urged, desperate.

Derek pushed forward and Stiles's dick got caught between a cold tile and his own belly and he shivered. Then Derek thrusted deeper and from a lower angle, and found Stiles's spot. He kept fucking into him at an increasing pace until Stiles came hard from the friction against his dick and the cock in his ass, and Derek felt the squeeze all around his length, hot and slick. That drove him over the edge, and he muffled his moans against Stiles's wet hair as Stiles was still riding the aftershocks of his own climax.

He rested his weight against Stiles for a bit, against the wall, until Stiles came back to his senses. He almost slipped, but Derek held his hips firmly with both hands. His soft cock slipped out and they washed themselves again, taking their time. Stiles shampooed the both of them and rinsed them as he massaged Derek's scalp, embracing him from behind and kissing the crook of his neck. He then pecked his cheek, and Derek smiled as they left the shower and dried themselves up with white towels.

They went back to the bedroom and fell asleep.

 

*

 

Wednesday was uneventful. Stiles stayed at home the whole day, talked with Lydia through the phone and thanked her for her... suggestions. Derek was radiant and all collaborative. There would be a pack meeting on Tuesday night, the night before the mission, but for now they didn't have a care in the world.

Stiles rode Derek in the morning, pining his wrists down on the bed, as Derek gritted his teeth in frustration for not being able to move, and he came with a grunt. Of course, after a light lunch Derek carried Stiles back to bed as he bitched about the dishes not doing themselves, but Derek just laughed. He pinned Stiles to the bed and was all over him, making out before sucking his soul out of his dick, and then he turned him over and put him on all fours as he fucked a second and third orgasm out of him from behind. Derek came hard and when he did he pulled Stiles up for a kiss, grunting inside his mouth this time.

They had dinner with Scott, Kira, and Lydia, who thankfully made no comment on Stiles's hickeys. Thank god Derek had his clothes on - even if just a tank top and long sweatpants. They got on well, and it was a nice evening. Derek apologized for scent-marking Kira, and Scott shrugged it off, _no biggie_ , I get it. Not like it had lasted long, anyway - Kira choked on her food at that.

"We'll meet tomorrow here, all of us, then.", Kira said, as they said goodnight at the door.

"Yeah. We're kicking that wizard's ass.", Scott assured, and smiled.

"Yeah, no doubt.", Stiles said, and patted his shoulder.

Lydia smirked at Derek and Stiles and left without a word.

As soon as they closed the door, Stiles spoke first.

"That went well."

"Yeah", Derek said softly, smiling, as he leaned over to kiss Stiles and he jumped over him. Stiles surrounded Derek's hip with his legs as Derek caught him in the air by the hips and they made out furiously.

This could be their last night, as could any night, really, and they made love in the bed.

When they were finished, Derek was panting and he was resting over Stiles, both naked and covered by a sheen of sweat. Stiles carded Derek's hair as his head rested in his chest, breathing against his skin. Derek closed his eyes and let himself feel loved and protected, because it just felt right with Stiles. He was satisfied and trusting him had been his best decision in life.

"Stiles?"

"Yeah, Derek?"

"I love you."

 

 *

 

They spent their time together mostly in bed on Tuesday, until their pack meeting at night. 

The wizard had been confirmed to be there at the time, so they would strike at midnight - that midnight. 

Scott and Allison told everyone the plan they had plotted. Isaac helped explain some of the points. Kira would go with Allison, and Scott with Isaac. 

Lydia had talked to Deaton and made her own research. She commented trying to cast a spell of their own to counter the witch's power. They would either get the sapphire or undo the spell, but Derek's human half would be back tonight.

She needed Stiles's and Kira's collaboration, so they spoke in private, with Derek too, to get the details. 

 

*

 

When they were ready, they left. It was a good plan - it had been almost two weeks, after all, and the key to a good plan was patience. The wizard was probably nervous. 

He had reasons to be, at least. The werewolves (save for Derek, who was not to leave Stiles's and Lydia's side, even though he could wolf out a bit now) cornered the wizard, pissed at his evasiveness and cowardice. And when he tried to escape, Kira and Allison appeared from the other side, placing him in the right position for Lydia's plot.

"Give the sapphire", Stiles urged, "and we'll give you a chance to get lost forever.", he added angrily.

"No", the wizard said, resolute. "If he gets his power back and remembers you will surely kill me."

"You have our word", Scott said, "give it up and we'll let you leave."

Derek was basically growling and flashing blue with anger. "I'm going to kill you one way or the other."

Allison intervened. "Lydia, this isn't going anywhere. Do it."

Lydia sighed. "Right."

She began casting the spell, and Stiles joined shortly after. They had to recite something, but the big part was placing certain objects in the ground and adding a spark of electricity to undo what had been done. Kira was a part of that, too: she released a bolt of lightning and this time a six-pointed star lit the ground. A symbol of white magic, to counter black magic.  

 

A déjà vu, Stiles thought. Derek levitated again, but this time it was their doing. And this time the electricity was from Kira. It still must've hurt like a bitch, at any rate, because Derek was screaming loud too. He dropped to the ground unscathed, miraculously managing to stand on his feet.

On the other end, well... undoing the spell made the sapphire burst, a process that left the wizard unconscious, and left a cool blue sphere of plasma floating around the place where it had exploded. Scott and Isaac had to cover themselves to not get hit by the shards. 

Stiles looked at Derek's face, and it hit him. The worst thing about recovering his memories and his humanity would not be the physical pain.

Derek remembered. Remembered it _all_. He felt the burn in his lungs, the tears about to burst from his eyes like the sapphire just had in a million tiny blue pieces. Sharp, like the pain of loss. He made the connections he couldn't have made in the past two weeks about a lot of things they had talked about, they had done. Especially when he could understand their words, _now_. He remembered being Derek Hale, the failure, after having forgotten.

So Derek wolfed out and ran away.

 

*

 

Scott and Stiles found him near the old Hale house, but he had passed out and was sprawled on the ground 

They dragged him back to the Jeep and his loft, and put him on the couch. The spell had drained a lot of energy, so he probably wouldn't wake up until first light.

Scott hugged Stiles, said goodbye and left.

Stiles was awake all night, sitting on a chair, looking at Derek sleep troubled, wishing he could help him out of the nightmares of his mind, but getting close had only made Derek jerk violently. He had never wished so bad for dawn.

The night drew out, but it finished. Derek did wake up with the first morning lights.

Stiles's eyes were watery. Maybe he had cried, maybe he would. His mouth tasted salty, like tears. He had been all night wondering what he could say to make it better, when Derek awoke. Running the scenarios over and and over in his head.

"Hey, Derek. It's me, Stiles."

Derek blinked repeatedly and then stared at him, his gaze cold and distant.

"Where am I?"

"You were unconscious because of the spell. You're home now, you're safe. The wizard has been taken care of."

"So what the hell are you doing here? I've already caused you enough trouble. I don't deserve you." The last part came a whisper.

Stiles laughed all wrong and bitter.

"I was going to say: don't be hard on yourself; but your self-blaming never ceases to amaze me. I won't let you do it this time, do you hear me? I'm your boyfriend, I'm here for you. You said you trusted me, that you loved me. I love you too. And you have to accept that. I know the past is dark, and terrible, and it never goes away, but we have to go on. It never stops hurting, but you live with it. You learn to, you must. And now, like it or not, I want to take care of you. Your losses are mine, your pain is mine. So share the burden. Just stop hating yourself. Because I love you. You have these two weeks as evidence that being happy is possible, that enjoying life is not the worst you can do. That we have a future.

I get you, I do. I've lost things too. We all have, we all will, and some are worse than others, okay, but that's why I'm here for you. And I want you to be here for me too. I want you to tell me you love me without a brain-to-mouth filter, I want you to tell me how you feel, I want to know you more, all of you. I want to know when you're sad, and when you're angry, and when you're happy, because you tell me. Like the wolf told me.", he stopped a bit to catch his breath, and smiled weakly,

"I want us to share our lives, and I need you to let me in."

They fell silent, and Derek was out of words for a moment. Stiles concluded his little rant.

 

Their gazes locked until Derek looked away and finally broke the silence, defeated.

"You're so strong", Derek finally said. "I just have to remind myself I'm lucky enough to have you."

"I'm the lucky one."; Stiles said and smiled. He leaned in to hug Derek, but Derek pulled him closer and he fell all over him. They kissed passionately and Stiles clung to Derek like he was life for a long time.

As they got lost in each other, Derek didn't mind the salty taste of tears on their cheeks, because they were, at last, tears of joy.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A reminder that I'd appreciate your opinion whether you liked the fic or not. But hope you did. Hugs :3


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